Why Having One Child May Be the Best Decision for You

When I was pregnant with my daughter, my husband and I were already discussing being “one and done.” We’re both the oldest of three siblings in our respective families and knew the stressors that multiple kids placed on our parents. Yet, the door wasn’t totally shut on having more than one child.

• We were concerned about affording another child, especially with two incomes, and the high costs of baby essentials.
• When I lost my job when I was six months pregnant, it became clear that we could comfortably only afford one child, especially given the uncertain job market and economy.

Although my career and our finances eventually recovered, it became clear that we could comfortably only afford one child, especially given the uncertain job market and economy. In the 10 years since I’ve had my daughter, I’ve encountered more and more parents, particularly millennials, who are choosing to have only one child.

The reality of what it costs to raise a child in the U.S. today makes plans for multiple children unattainable for many parents. The fertility rate in the U.S. has steadily declined since the Great Recession of 2007, according to Kent Bausman, PhD, professor of sociology at Maryville University in St. Louis. This pattern has been consistent for both millennials and Gen Z (who entered prime childbearing age in 2015).

Dr. Bausman believes structural factors, such as skyrocketing housing costs, rising medical expenses, and the high price of child care, are playing a significant role in the decision to have one child. “Child care was not as substantial a portion of the household budget for baby boomers and early Gen Xers,” Dr. Bausman explains. “For many millennials, having multiple children feels financially impossible.”

• Estimates suggest the annual cost of raising a child in 2023 ranged from $15,512.52 to $17,459.43.
• For families with multiple children, the estimated cost per child ranged from $12,350 to $13,900 per year.

Another factor is the lack of paid parental leave in the United States. “Women are participating in the workforce more than ever before and their participation is needed for our economy to grow at a healthy pace,” says Setu Shah, founder and CEO of Financial Doula. “However, without proper paid leave and affordable child care, many parents are unable to take the financial burden of raising another child due to the sacrifice they would need to make to their careers, income, and/or lifestyle.”

• Child care can be more expensive than rent and in-state college tuition in many states.
• Shah says many families are dipping into savings, taking on debt, and cutting out other major expenses just to afford it.

Then there is the mental load of raising children. The unpaid, and typically invisible, cognitive labor that comes from handling a household has only intensified in recent years. That’s particularly due to increased demands and societal pressures that are greatly fueled by social media.

• Shah says that’s playing a huge role in how parents set their parenting styles, where they put their time and resources, and what their expectations are.
• “That’s playing a huge role in how parents set their parenting styles, where they put their time and resources, and what their expectations are; it’s all become a comparison game,” says Shah.

Decision fatigue is also a concern. Shah explains that with hundreds of ads and suggestions being thrown at parents daily, many buy too much because they aren’t sure what will work, deciding it’s better to cover their bases rather than have their child miss out on the best thing.

Although my husband and I became sure about our decision to have only one child, we still worried about the potential downsides of our daughter not having siblings. We were concerned she may miss out on opportunities to learn to socialize or build strong conflict resolution skills. And without the built-in companionship of siblings, will there be an increased risk of loneliness?

Not so fast, says Rebecca Minor, LICSW, therapist and author of Raising Trans Kids: What to Expect When You Weren’t Expecting This. As family structures evolve, says Minor, it will lead to new ways to nurture connection, resilience, and belonging.

• Children are more likely to learn social navigation through friendships, group settings like daycare and school, or through interactions with adults.
• Minor says this shift might actually encourage more intentional parenting around things like emotional regulation, communication, and conflict resolution—skills that benefit children (and parents!) regardless of how many siblings they have.

Many only children enjoy a deep bond with their caregivers, more individualized attention, and greater freedom to explore their interests. They can develop a strong capacity for independent play and creativity.

These skills can also serve them well throughout life.

“They’re often comfortable spending time alone and can be quite self-directed. My spouse, an only child, remembers figuring out how to play catch by himself in the backyard. It was sometimes lonely, yes, but also sparked a sense of creativity, self-reliance, and freedom,” shares Minor.

At the same time, children in larger families may gain early lessons in flexibility, compromise, and learning to put others first—whether they want to or not. “Like any family structure, being an only child comes with its own complexities, but it also offers a unique kind of spaciousness that can nurture confidence, imagination, and a deep sense of internal resourcefulness,” says Minor.

A sense of “belonging” is less about how many people are in a household and more about how connected we feel to those around us. Parents can cultivate a strong sense of family by creating meaningful traditions, maintaining close relationships with extended family or close friends, and helping their child feel deeply known and valued.

If children have chances to build friendships, engage in group experiences, and feel secure at home, they can grow up feeling just as connected and supported as kids with siblings,” says Minor. “Raising an only child doesn’t mean raising a lonely child.”

Benefits of Raising an Only Child

“Only children are more likely to develop a sense of independence and self-reliance, as well as a greater sense of curiosity and creativity.” – Rebecca Minor, LICSW

Although having one child may not be the most popular choice for some families, it can be a liberating experience for parents and children alike. Without the financial burden of raising multiple children, parents can focus on providing a stable and loving environment for their child. Additionally, the reduced financial stress can lead to increased quality time between parents and child, allowing for stronger bonds and a more fulfilling relationship.

Rethinking What It Means to Have One Child

Ultimately, the decision to have one child is a personal one that depends on individual circumstances. While some families may face financial or social challenges, others may find that having one child provides the perfect balance of stability and freedom.

As family structures evolve, it will lead to new ways to nurture connection, resilience, and belonging. Not having siblings doesn’t mean children will lack social skills. Those skills will simply develop in different ways.

Children are more likely to learn social navigation through friendships, group settings like daycare and school, or through interactions with adults. This shift might actually encourage more intentional parenting around things like emotional regulation, communication, and conflict resolution—skills that benefit children (and parents!) regardless of how many siblings they have.

Making adjustments to this model will allow parents to find what works best for their child and their unique family situation.