When it comes to family gatherings, cousins often play together like siblings, but don’t always have the same emotional glue holding them together. This can lead to conflicts, jealousy, and misunderstandings. But what can parents do to navigate these situations without stepping on the other parents’ toes? We spoke to parenting expert Sue Atkins to find out. •
Common Causes of Cousin Conflict
- Cousins are often thrown into close quarters at family gatherings, may be at different developmental stages, or have different parenting styles shaping their behavior.
- These can be flashpoints for misunderstandings, jealousy, or overstepping boundaries—especially when one child feels like ‘the guest’ and another like ‘the host,’
These conflicts can escalate quickly, and it’s not always easy to know how to intervene. But with the right approach, parents can protect their child’s wellbeing and maintain good relationships with other family members. According to Sue Atkins, a parenting expert and host of Navigating the Digital Jungle, “Very common. Cousins often play together like siblings but don’t always have the same emotional glue holding them together.”
| Expert Tip | Sue Atkins |
| Correct the behavior, not the child | “We don’t throw food in the pool at parties,” rather than, “You’re being awful.” |
| Involve the other parent in setting boundaries | “If the parents are present, you might say, ‘Would you mind having a word with [child’s name]? [Your child] is really upset,’” |
“Your child learns how to set boundaries from watching you,” says Sue. This is why it’s so important for parents to model good behavior and set clear boundaries. But what happens when those boundaries are tested? How can parents navigate conflicts without stepping on the other parents’ toes? •
Setting Boundaries with Relatives
- Start with a values-led conversation, not a confrontation
- Framing it around your values takes it out of the personal and into the principled
- Limit unstructured time together or invite both sets of children to events with clearer expectations
According to Sue, framing the conversation around your values takes it out of the personal and into the principled. “You’re not attacking the cousin or their parenting—you’re simply outlining what your child needs to thrive,” she explained. “If needed, you can draw firmer boundaries by limiting unstructured time together or inviting both sets of children to events with clearer expectations.”
“Your child learns how to set boundaries from watching you,” says Sue. This is why it’s so important for parents to model good behavior and set clear boundaries. But what happens when those boundaries are tested? How can parents navigate conflicts without stepping on the other parents’ toes? •
Practical Advice from a Parenting Expert
“Your child learns how to set boundaries from watching you,” says Sue. This is why it’s so important for parents to model good behavior and set clear boundaries. But what happens when those boundaries are tested? How can parents navigate conflicts without stepping on the other parents’ toes? According to Sue, the key is to stay calm and focused on values, not blame. “If a situation escalates—like a child destroying another’s birthday dessert—it’s reasonable to step in firmly but respectfully,” she said. “I often say, ‘Correct the behavior, not the child.’ For example: ‘We don’t throw food in the pool at parties,’ rather than, ‘You’re being awful.’ Keep your tone calm and your focus on values, not blame.”
“If the parents are present, you might say, ‘Would you mind having a word with [child’s name]? [Your child] is really upset,’” Sue suggests. “That way, you’re giving the other parent the chance to step up.”
“Your child learns how to set boundaries from watching you,” says Sue. This is why it’s so important for parents to model good behavior and set clear boundaries. But what happens when those boundaries are tested? How can parents navigate conflicts without stepping on the other parents’ toes? •
Real-Life Example
A mother reached out to Reddit seeking advice after her daughter’s birthday party devolved into a day full of family drama. The party quickly went downhill when the dessert ended up floating in the pool before she could get it into her stomach. “I was so frustrated,” the mother said. “I didn’t know how to handle it. I just wanted to kick my nephew out of the house!”
But Sue Atkins, a parenting expert and host of Navigating the Digital Jungle, offered some words of wisdom. “Very common. Cousins often play together like siblings but don’t always have the same emotional glue holding them together,” she said. According to Sue, framing the conversation around your values takes it out of the personal and into the principled. “You’re not attacking the cousin or their parenting—you’re simply outlining what your child needs to thrive,” she explained. “If needed, you can draw firmer boundaries by limiting unstructured time together or inviting both sets of children to events with clearer expectations.”
“Your child learns how to set boundaries from watching you,” says Sue. This is why it’s so important for parents to model good behavior and set clear boundaries. But what happens when those boundaries are tested? How can parents navigate conflicts without stepping on the other parents’ toes? •
Conclusion
When it comes to family gatherings, cousins often play together like siblings, but don’t always have the same emotional glue holding them together. This can lead to conflicts, jealousy, and misunderstandings. But with the right approach, parents can protect their child’s wellbeing and maintain good relationships with other family members. By setting clear boundaries, staying calm, and focusing on values, parents can navigate conflicts without stepping on the other parents’ toes. And remember, your child learns how to set boundaries from watching you.
