The internet has been flooded with numerous articles, blogs, and social media posts discussing various parenting styles, with some of the most searched terms being gentle parenting, positive parenting, and lighthouse parenting. However, it appears that many Americans are also curious about a more traditional style: authoritative parenting.
According to Google Trends data, searches for “parenting styles” rose 400% over the last month, with “authoritative” being the top-searched term in March 2025.
So, what sets authoritative parenting apart from authoritarian parenting? To answer this, we need to first understand the differences between these two styles.
Authoritarian Parenting
Authoritarian parenting is described by pediatrician Dr. Mona Amin as a “rigid, top-down approach” where the parent requires a high amount of control and provides a low level of warmth.
- “There’s not a lot of discussion,” says Dr. Amin. “There’s not a lot of collaboration. So think of the parent that says, ‘Do it because I said so.'”
- “An authoritarian parent doesn’t communicate boundaries to a child. Instead, they administer a punishment when the child behaves in a way they don’t approve of,” says Dr. Amin.
- “The punishment will often’make no sense for the situation,'” says Dr. Amin.
“Let’s say a child has a meltdown in the grocery store,” says Dr. “An authoritarian parent would say, ‘Stop crying. We’re leaving now. We are not going to the park tomorrow.'”
“So there’s no acknowledgement of feelings, and there’s a threat,” says Dr. “While this style might get short-term results of obedience, it can be damaging to kids in the long-term. Adults raised in this type of household don’t know how to communicate their feelings and are more prone to anxiety and mental health disorders.”
Authoritative Parenting
Authoritative parenting, on the other hand, blends empathy and boundaries.
“There’s high expectation, but also high support for those expectations,” says Dr. Amin.
“If a parent expects their child to clean their room and they fail to do so, the reaction isn’t punishment. Instead, it’s talking to them about why it’s important to tidy up, validating any emotion they have about finding it difficult or burdensome, but then ultimately requiring them to finish the chore,” says Dr. Amin.
This type of child-rearing might take a little more patience in the short-term, but the long-term effects are positive.
“Research shows that it actually is the parenting style that leads to more competent, emotionally regulated children and adults who are better at handling life stress or resiliency,” says Dr. Amin.
Key Differences
So, what are the key differences between authoritative and authoritarian parenting?
- Warmth: Authoritative parenting is characterized by a high level of warmth, while authoritarian parenting is marked by a low level of warmth.
- Communication: Authoritative parenting involves open and honest communication, while authoritarian parenting is characterized by a lack of discussion and collaboration.
- Punishment: Authoritarian parenting uses punishment as a means of discipline, while authoritative parenting uses positive reinforcement and logical consequences.
As Dr. Aliza Pressman, a developmental psychologist and author, notes, “Children tend to feel safer with parents who are authoritative, not only because there is more empathy but because the rules are communicated clearly.”
“They are guided by the guardrails that you feel are appropriate and safe because you have boundaries and limits, but within those boundaries and limits, there’s enough freedom that they feel safe to express themselves and be who they are,” says Dr. Pressman.
“As adults, they then have more agency because they trust their own judgement. They’ve learned how to regulate their emotions and are able to have better relationships.”
“The wiggle room a parent allows their child when it comes to fits or tantrums, ironically, can make the child more obedient,” says Dr. Pressman.
“When you feel loved for who you are and not for how you behave, you tend to behave better in the long run,” says Dr. Pressman.
We can all learn from the research and findings of Dr. Amin and Dr. Pressman. By adopting authoritative parenting, we can help our children develop into emotionally regulated, competent, and resilient individuals who are better equipped to handle the challenges of life.
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