Stepparenting is a complex and multifaceted role, requiring patience, empathy, and understanding. While the intention behind becoming a stepparent is often good, the reality of navigating an already-established family dynamic can be challenging. The stepparent’s role is not to replace or control the biological parents, but rather to support the parent-child relationship and create a harmonious family environment.

Understanding the Challenges

Stepparenting is a different kind of tricky because the person is coming into an already-established family with a certain order, rules, and routines. The kids are used to them, and they don’t want someone to change them. However, these changes are unavoidable as they have to happen in order to fit the new person in, which can make the stepparent the least favored person for a while. “Children have a natural loyalty and connection toward their biological parent. If they connect with a stepparent, they can feel they’ve betrayed their biological parent, which creates internal conflict for them,” says author and stepparenting coach Gayla Grace. “Also, stepparents often put too much pressure on a child to love and accept them into the family without allowing the child time to form a relationship slowly.”

Key Issues to Avoid

• Failing to observe and follow boundaries: New adults joining a family should honor and respect all of the earlier relationships while at the same time working to create the new family dynamic that includes everybody.
• Wanting to step in and be involved when big decisions are made: Children, particularly those age 7 and older, often won’t respond well to discipline from a stepparent.