A pregnant woman finds comfort in keeping her pregnancy private from her mother-in-law, while seeking unbiased opinions from experts

“The expectation that expectant parents share their journey with the world, places an unfair burden on them”

— Emily Mudge, Licensed Clinical Social Worker at Psychology Partners Group
When expecting parents announce that they’re pregnant, they’re often bombarded with a multitude of questions from loved ones. While it’s natural for those around them to be curious and care about the baby-to-be, expecting parents often feel uncomfortable sharing everything about their pregnancy. Some may prefer to keep certain aspects of their pregnancy private to avoid unnecessary stress and unwanted attention.

This woman decided to keep her pregnancy private from her mother-in-law, a decision that was influenced by her mother-in-law’s behavior during her first pregnancy. However, as the pregnancy progressed, she began to doubt her choice and sought the advice of licensed clinical psychologists, social workers, and marriage and family therapists to gain a better understanding of her desires.

Reasons for Keeping Pregnancy Private

• Concerns about complications or pregnancy loss
• Fear of unwanted advice and judgment from family and friends
• Pregnancy can be scary, and some people may feel the need to keep their journey private to process their feelings without external pressure or judgment

Benefits of Keeping Pregnancy Private

Keeping the pregnancy more private allows expectant parents to better regulate their emotions during a time of significant hormonal and life changes, says Dr. Lilit Ayrapetyan, a licensed clinical psychologist. “It creates space for the expectant parents to process their own feelings without external pressure or judgment. This approach can reduce anxiety triggered by others’ opinions and protect the parents’ autonomy in making decisions about their pregnancy and parenting.”

Setting Boundaries with Loved Ones

For some loved ones, the idea of expecting parents setting boundaries around their pregnancy might be difficult to understand. Dr. Ayrapetyan advises approaching the conversation with loved ones from a place of love, using clear and direct language, and explaining the reasons for wanting to maintain privacy. “Framing privacy needs in terms of self-care rather than exclusion can help soften the message,” she suggests.

Consistency is Key

Heidi McBain, a licensed marriage and family therapist, notes that consistency is key when reinforcing boundaries. “When boundaries are violated, respond with calm, brief reminders of your needs without extensive justification. Creating a simple script like “We’re not sharing those details right now, but we appreciate your interest” can help in repetitive situations. For persistent boundary-crossers, sometimes reducing contact temporarily may be necessary, while explaining this is about your wellbeing during a vulnerable time, not about rejecting them personally,” she advises.

Potential Risks of Keeping Pregnancy Private

While keeping a pregnancy more private may provide some benefits, it can also cause feelings of isolation and lack of support from loved ones, warns Emily Mudge. “Pregnancy is a time of joy and excitement, and by keeping your pregnancy from others, you may potentially miss opportunities to celebrate and connect with others. Having support from a healthy network of family and friends can lead to better emotional and physical outcomes for both you and your unborn child,” she says.

Conclusion

Prioritizing self-care and setting boundaries with loved ones can be a difficult but necessary aspect of pregnancy.